'No Fats, No Fems' review: Max Hovey's queer empathy guide

On social media, author Max Hovey describes himself as a certified “big boy” advocate. That self-assurance is found throughout the pages of his recently released book, No Fats, No Fems: A Guide to Queer Empathy and Unpacking Prejudice.

Taking its title from the notorious phrase often seen on dating app profiles, Hovey uses the book as a starting point for a broader discussion about exclusion, body image, racism, femmephobia, classism, ableism, and internalized homophobia.

When belonging is conditional

As someone who spends a great deal of time thinking about how stories shape our understanding of one another, I found the book a compelling examination of the biases that can persist even within communities built around inclusion.

Hovey challenges the idea that “preferences” in dating exist in a social vacuum. He asks readers to consider how cultural conditioning shapes attraction and whether exclusionary preferences can reinforce broader systems of prejudice.

Another recurring theme is the tension between identity and belonging. Hovey explores how many LGBTQ+ people spend years seeking acceptance from mainstream society, only to encounter new forms of judgment within queer spaces. His discussion of body image is particularly compelling, highlighting how narrow beauty standards can create hierarchies that leave many people feeling excluded even in communities that are meant to be affirming.

At its heart, No Fats, No Fems is a book about empathy.

“Many of the mindsets I discuss in the book I admit to once having myself,” Hovey said in a recent interview. “I’m not saying you’re a terrible person; I’m saying this is a thought process you may have, and it’s not your fault, but refusing to acknowledge and unpack it is still your responsibility.”

The book arrives at a charged moment. A national study found that nearly 85% of LGBTQ+ people of color reported experiencing race-based sexual discrimination in online encounters, the kind of intra-community bias Hovey sets out to dismantle. Against that backdrop, the author resists simplistic thinking, arguing that meaningful change comes through dialogue rather than division.

Ultimately, No Fats, No Fems succeeds because it combines social commentary with practical empathy, arguing that stronger communities are built through curiosity and compassion, not purity tests.

Fast facts: ‘No Fats, No Fems’ by Max Hovey

Hovey’s debut is a frank, empathetic reckoning with the biases queer communities perpetuate against their own. Uncomfortable where it needs to be, and generous where it counts.